Low-Cost Date: Fifty Shades of Grey

fifty-shades-grey

 

NO! DON’T WATCH FIFTY SHADES OF GREY!!!

Sorry, I think my warning came a little too late.  If you have already watched it, my sympathies go out to you.

 

For this low-cost date segment, instead of giving you date ideas, I am going to stop you from wasting money on a stupid date.  Yes.  Fifty Shades of Grey is a such a crap show, you might as well use the money to play jackpot in the casino.  At least the bright graphics of the jackpot machine are more aesthetically-pleasing than the 2 main characters in the show.  Also, you get to lose your money faster and not go through a mind-numbing 2 hours of rubbish.

 

The worst part is, the Gf didn’t request to watch that show.  I had chivalrously suggested that we watched it because I felt that in a relationship, there should be some level of fairness and compromise.  She has always accompanied me to watch ultra-manly, chest-thumping shows like Expendables 3 or Fury even though she isn’t really interested in it.  So yup, I thought I would be a good Bf and pay back her kindness by watching the show with her….Only problem is that that piece of shit of show was so shitty that even the Gf didn’t like it!  (Mind you, the Gf enjoyed the book!)

 

At first, I thought the kinky parts would make up for the mushiness of the movie, but it didn’t.  Both characters were so awkward around each other that every time they talked, it felt like a freaking job interview.  Also, negotiating a S&M contract in a dark room is probably the most unkinky thing in the world.

“I need you to … sign this non-disclosure agreement…”

What Bullcrap is this?!  There was so much reference to contracts in that show that it felt more like ‘lawyer porn’.  *SHUDDER*

 

The Gf, who actually read the book, insisted that the book was much better.  ( I don’t believe her.)  She said that Jamie Dornan, the actor who played Christian Grey, is too ugly.  I have to agree.  Maybe because he is a new actor, but in every damn scene, he is always frowning and acting all intense.  Take off shirt- INTENSE FACE!  Walk around the room – INTENSE FACE!  He suddenly reminds me of…an ang moh Tay Ping Hui…..

I think he was trying to overcompensate by acting more handsome in the show.  After all, being Christian Grey is a serious role.

Intense Face

For the guys, don’t bother watching for the kinky scenes.  Dakota Johnson is not very ugly… but she isn’t that hot either.  Plus, the sex scenes are awkward.  Christian Grey’s – INTENSE FACE, makes it hard to see past him.

Not Anastasia Steele

 

I fell asleep halfway.  And when I woke up, Anastasia Steele was in the final S&M sex scene with Christian Grey.  Christian Grey proceeded to flog Anastasia gently with a whip.

 

“Wah lau…he hit so soft. Like ku niang like that…” I mumbled.

“Siao ah you!” the Gf chided me.

 

I fell asleep again.  When I woke up, Christian Grey was flying Anastasia around in a private jet to the background music of some top 40s love song.

Wah lau this Ah Sia Kia… I can only fetch the Gf around in a tuk-tuk in Bangkok traffic jam.  Spoil Market la this Christian Grey!

 

I could not even remember how the show ended.  The Gf wasn’t angry that I fell asleep.  She said the show sucks because the actor acting as Christian Grey was ugly.  I don’t know what kind of logic is that.  Then I suddenly remembered girls only watch soccer to look at handsome guys, not to appreciate strategy, teamwork or sportsmanship.  So they probably watch movies for handsome guys, and not for plot, action or character development.

The Gf continued to insist that the book was better, which got me wondering… why are all the girls so hooked on that stupid book??

I think I know why.  The book portrays the dream guy for all girls.  Young, rich, smart, handsome, successful, INTENSE FACE, got sports car, got private jet, caring, sensitive, gentlemany – BUT… he has a major flaw… which is a sick fetish for S&M.  That’s the dream guy for you.  Have all the above qualities – but make sure you have one flaw.  One super serious flaw.  And the ladies cannot stand it, buay tahan, they want to own you.  But you must have these qualities:

1. Handsome

2. Rich

3. Gentlemanly

4. Romantic

5. Give her a sense of security

6. (Insert flaw here.)

 

Once you fulfilled all 5 qualities, it doesn’t matter what flaw you have.  Serial Animal Abuser?  It’s ok – your lady will CHANGE YOU.  Still playing Dungeons and Dragons with the boys every weekend?  It’s ok – your lady will CHANGE YOU.

Yup, that’s what they want to do.  Find the almost perfect guy, own him, and CHANGE him.

Anyway, I digress.  Please don’t go and spend your money to watch that show.  Unless you think the cinema provides comfy seats to sleep on.  Go download it or wait for some brave soul to put it on Youtube.  (I hope MDA won’t ban my blog because of this suggestion…)

 

Don’t buy these books.  Don’t click on the image.  Don’t do it… Don’t…. Noooooo…

 

 

 

 

I have thrown the first stone. What do you think of the show?  Let us know! 

4 Comments

  1. B

    My wife had actually bought the book much earlier and she didn’t like it because throughout there’s only talk about kinky sex and so on.

    So when I asked her to watch the movie, she declined and we didn’t proceed after that. I then went on to watch in one of the online movies myself and I thought it wasn’t so bad as people had described it to be. Maybe when I pay zero dollar for a movie my perception somewhat changes. But all in all I’ve seen worst movie than that.

    Reply
    1. The Bf (Post author)

      You got a high tolerance level Mr B! LOL!

      Yes there are worst movies… like Kung Pow, Red…

      Reply
  2. Desmond

    interesting post 🙂

    As audience, we are drawn to certain movies for a motive. Yes, we did it more than just spending the 2 hours of our time. As we become more entrenched in the storyline and begin to associate what the male/female actors are saying, acting, doing, a part of us has leave us. It leaves us temporarily where we can fantasise we are that person, saying that line, perhaps. doing such romantic acts however illogical it may seems………

    Movies has a power over our emotions if we allow it. Perhaps, some guys being more logic minded will not be swayed easily and that is why action movies and thrillers tend to be our cup of tea more, ha

    Aren’t korean soap opera watched more by women than men? Our reality may not be as perfect, romantic, beautiful, as we want it to be and we yearn for the mood, ambience, characters that are out there. And we find comfort as if the director knew us, portraying a part of us out there for the world to see……….

    A stroke of b/w and the / can means a lot to different people holding different perceptions.

    All the best to your blog!

    Reply
    1. The Bf (Post author)

      Hi Desmond,

      Awesome! You sound like a movie & literature person. I am a film buff myself too!

      Thanks for visiting my blog and hope you come back again 🙂

      Reply

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